Miriam Provenzano

Psychotherapist & Life Coach For Women With Vulvodynia, Chronic Pain

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Vulvodynia Is Ruining My Life: What To Do About It

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If you are here, I assume you’re struggling with Vulvodynia, it is ruining your life and don’t know what else to do. You’ve probably had countless doctor’s appointments, seen a variety of specialists, maybe tried acupuncture, numbing cream, antidepressants, anticonvulsant drugs, physical therapy, psychological therapy, maybe energetic healing. You may start to feel helpless living in pain, and that is completely natural when we cannot find answers or relief, you feel that Vulvodynia is ruining your life, and all you can do is continuously look for answers online as you aren’t getting enough from the professionals you’ve seen so far.

I know the struggle very well. I spent countless hours reading online people’s experiences, researching what it is that happens in our bodies for this pain to happen, and tried every treatment I could come across. Not only did none of this help, but it also gave me crippling anxiety. I read about cases of women who had it for years, women that had to stop working because of it, and every bad story that just kept messing with my mental health more and more. As a start, I’d like to say to you: don’t continue looking for hope on forums. If you find good platforms, yes, that’s great! Unfortunately, I have to tell you what you will find is going to be very little hopeful, because it is biased. The bad will override the good.

Going back to tell your story, even if it’s a happy ending one, can be very vulnerable

When women heal, they want to leave this chapter of their lives in the past. They don’t go back online and tell their success story, at least not in most cases. So you will find much more negative information than positive. This will affect how you feel, it will cause more anxiety, it will make you obsess more over it and as a result, make the pain worse. Now you are reading this, so please make this your last stop. Yes, you can heal, yes many of us have. No, not all of us go back and tell our story, and I include myself in it for some time. And why? Well, the pain in itself is traumatic. The place it may stem from is traumatic (at least in my case it was very related to sexual abuse), but healing from vulvodynia in itself, is traumatic too. You encounter multiple specialists that don’t know what happens to you, they don’t even know the name of it. I kept going from one doctor to another, to all alternative therapists I could find, to psychotherapists, physical therapists… At some point, I was so tired of telling my story over and over to find no answers, that I felt I couldn’t do it anymore. Eventually, I started crying every time I went into a new specialist’s office. I couldn’t gather the strength to keep telling anyone about my pain just to be given a variety of useless “solutions”, if any at all. Finding hope in this was extremely difficult.

“Feeling this isolated in my pain without answers, broke me down even more”

It felt like there was a huge burden on me, not letting me breathe. I dreamt of the pain, no matter what I did during the day, I kept feeling the pain, I missed out on meeting with friends because of it… I stopped my whole life and it was me and the pain in a dark hole. It was horrible, lonely, painful, heartbreaking. Vulvodynia literally was literally ruining my life, and I was only in my early-mid 20s. So when I started to improve and when I eventually healed… I didn’t want to look back. I didn’t want to live over all of that. I didn’t want to hear the word Vulvodynia ever again. And this is the case for many, many women. When we heal, we are SO done with it, that we just want to forget about it. Not out of a place of selfishness, it is not that we don’t want to bring hope to others, it is just that we are exhausted mentally and physically from it.

I wanted to help others heal from Vulvodynia, but then…

It is “funny” because when I had my pain I was a psychology student, and I thought I would heal from it and then help others out of it. But there was an impasse of time, where I was almost fully healed, where I didn’t want to hear about vulvodynia anymore. It had been such a long journey, and I couldn’t see myself poking that wound anymore. I was still vulnerable, it had been a lot of work, I was sensitive, and still very wounded only from the healing journey alone. I thought vulvodynia was a chapter of my life I didn’t want to remember ever again. I wanted to leave those memories buried as far as possible from it. While through my own healing I knew I wanted to work with a mind-body approach in psychotherapy, I couldn’t bring myself to look at the V word anymore. But, once I was already more stable and I could look back, I could see all the pain and despair I felt, and I knew there were more women who needed answers.

It wasn’t easy to get into this work, and sometimes it still stirs things in me

I was still hesitant when I signed up to work with some of the specialists that contributed to my healing, and to this day, things still stir up inside of me when I speak about it. But I know that through this work, I can bring the solutions I wish I had more readily available. So I learned everything I could – and I am still in constant learning, training, and expanding my knowledge – to bring the answers it took me years to find. I love psychology and somatic work, however, it was not enough to address everything that is needed to heal from vulvodynia. There are bits of it that I really enjoy, other ones that are not so enjoyable. While the good overrides the downside, through my clients I remember all too well my own struggle… and it still feels tender. Even writing about it, still takes me back to days spent in bed and completely misunderstood, it is not pleasant, but I shared my story because I decided to take this as part of my purpose and apply it to my work. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t go into this much detail, if any at all. But because I decided to continue with my mission on helping others and I made this part of my work, now I speak so much more about vulvas and Vulvodynia, but the truth is, that if I had been an accountant, or a baker, or something else that has nothing to do with health… I probably wouldn’t be speaking about Vulvodynia. Maybe AT ALL. Because it’s painful. Because we all wanna forget about it. Because it’s daunting. Because it took so many years of my youth and vitality away.

What you’ll find in forums, is much more pain than hope

So please hear me in this, don’t think everything you see online is an accurate depiction of the numbers of people who healed. It is just that most women, once they do, they never look back. They want to forget how traumatic this all has been and I cannot blame them for it. But I don’t want you to look at all the stories and think that this will be the rest of your life. It doesn’t have to be. With all the sorrow of my heart, that is someone’s situation, but we cannot tell ourselves we are doomed, or else our brain will pick up on it.

Our body is listening to our beliefs, allow it to believe it can heal

Our nervous system and body are always eavesdropping on our beliefs. If you believe you cannot heal you most likely won’t. If you believe your body can heal, it will. And yes, I know the amount of doubt you carry with you right now. I did too! I know the hesitation, the “ I have had this for too long, how will it go away”, or the “I haven’t found anything that truly helps yet”… but that is just a “yet”. I clang onto hope like grasping for straws. For as little as it could be, I kept it with me. I kept going and even though I tried to make peace with the situation, I didn’t resign myself to it. Making peace doesn’t mean giving up, it just means letting go of resistance. So the number one advice I would give to anyone going through pain right now is don’t compare your experience to others. As Sean Stephenson said: “Never believe a prediction that doesn’t empower you.”

Don’t obsess over the pain fluctuations

If you are going to take other people’s experiences as your prognostic, take one of those who have healed. Tell your mind, your body, and your spirit, that you are healing. That others have done it before you, and therefore you can too. Stop being hypervigilant about Vulvodynia. Some days will be better, some days will be worse. Even if you have a flare it doesn’t mean it’s gonna stay worse. It will come back to the “baseline” pain. And eventually, it will get better too. The more you obsess over the pain, the more you’re feeding it. While stopping to think about it is difficult, don’t do it more than you should. You don’t need countless hours in front of the computer reading about it.You don’t need to constantly gaze at your vulva unless it is to tell it how beautiful it is. You don’t need to worry you will do something “you shouldn’t” and make it worse. Do what’s on your hands to reduce the amount of attention you give it, so your mind has other things to entertain and gives you more of those, instead of the one (the V) that you’re focused on.

Long story short, in order to re-train yourself to not feel pain, minimize the actions that feed it. While it is difficult to stop thinking about it, you can choose to watch a comedy instead of reading people’s experiences for hours before bed. Increase the joy and decrease the amount of time you dedicate to your Vulvodynia. Your vulva will thank you 🙂

Does Vulvodynia Go Away Permanently Or Does It Come And Go?

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Vulvodynia is an alarm from the body, a sign something needs to be addressed. Once the fire is extinguished, vulvodynia can go away for good. In the search of a cure for vulvodynia and going from specialist to specialist, we often hear that there is “no cure”: But let’s clarify that. When in Western Medicine we speak of a lack of cure, it means there isn’t a remedy that can be given to you to “fix” the problem. However, we just need to change the approach on how we understand health and the body, because vulvodynia is not an illness to be cured, vulvodynia is a symptom. For this reason, when the underlying causes are solved, vulvodynia can go away permanently. Vulvodynia simply means “vulvar pain”, however, in order to release the symptom, we need to address the underlying causes. While I cannot speak for your specific case or illnesses that may be causing it, there are generally some underlying factors that are at the root of that pain. For this reason, we don’t “cure” vulvodynia, what we do is bring the body back to health, so it can heal itself. So if we heal our body, the alarm doesn’t need to go off anymore, and vulvodynia can leave to never come back. Yes, it may be a more sensitive area for you, women with vulvodynia tend to have pretty sensitive skin in general, however, there is no need to have this pain once the body is in balance.

Vulvodynia can go away permanently

Our bodies are prepared for healing, they do that with acute wounds all the time. When it comes to chronic conditions, there are several aspects that need to be addressed, but under the right conditions, the body has the innate ability to heal. I am going to share with you some of the main systems to address in order to bring the body back to homeostasis (balance). This is what I did, and this is how I healed, by going deep into the root, my body could flourish.

 

Pain Is Created in the Brain

Pain is created in the brain, so the nervous system is a big piece of the equation to be able to heal. We need to create a parasympathetic state (rest, digest, and repair) to have an environment where healing can happen. As you see, this (apparently) has nothing to do with the vulva directly, and that’s why many treatments oriented to just treating the pelvic floor region, aren’t sufficient. However, if there is no organic disease that explains the pain, we need to look beyond. So even though the pain is felt “down there”, we first need to dig “up there” to fully address the pain.

On one hand, when there is dysregulation of the nervous system, it is difficult to regulate it “cognitively”, we need to address the body in order for the nervous system to calm down. We need to work with a somatic approach to release the emotions stored in the body and facilitate the improvement of the nervous system. On the other hand, it is also important to address the psychological underlying causes, as psychosocial challenges are a very significant finding among women with vulvodynia. While there are many cases of sexual trauma, or shame around sexuality, it won’t always necessarily be like that. Women tend to store a lot of their fear in their pelvic floor, so even if it is not related to sexuality, your emotions trapped in the body are dysregulating your nervous system. It is a little more complex than this, however, to not get into deep details on the neuroendocrinology of it, just know that it is very likely that work at an emotional level needs to be done. Many times, this includes addressing your surroundings, your beliefs, the interactions with the people around you, your ability to set boundaries, the relationships that serve you or that drain you in your life. After all, you cannot heal in the same environment that made you sick. Vulvodynia could come and go if you don’t make the necessary changes it is pointing you to do, that’s why I don’t “cure” the pain but approach the person as a whole: so you can fully heal, not only your body, but everything around you.

 

Proprioception: muscles, fascia, and brain

To contribute to this regulation of the body, it is very important to address proprioception, so basically how your body senses itself. While myofascial work also helps to improve biomechanics (we will see more on this later), it is important to know that the proprioceptive signals (that inform the brain about the body’s movement and position) travel through the same pathways as the nociceptive (pain) signals. When we increase proprioception, we override nociception, therefore we help tone down the pain signal.

While there are several ways to increase proprioception, I have found that myofascial release is a very useful one because it attunes us to our body, helps our nervous system rewire, and at the same time, it liberates tension from the body. Many things we do daily, increase tension patterns in the body: The way you sit, how much you sit, the way you move, how much you move, how you carry your body, your alignment… and all of this, which we do unknowingly, make a big difference in the amount of pressure that we hold into our bodies, into our pelvic area, and therefore, the pressure that will go onto our pelvic organs – which at the same time, create more pressure on the nerves. When we release some of the tension, our body can move more freely. They can work better and receive the nutrients that they need, which in result affects pain levels.

 

Biomechanics: How we use our body

In general, we tend to have poor posture and movement, we don’t tend to walk or sit in the optimal positions, nor do we move as much as we would need, but that’s not all. While our mostly sedentary lifestyle or being on our feet for hours affects our bodies, this is also tied to what I was mentioning before with the emotions. When there’s fear, and most chronic pain sufferers feel a level of unsafety, whether they are aware of it or not, that tends to go into the pelvis, so even if we address the posture and relief tension, but don’t address those underlying feelings, the tension patterns will come up over and over.

Now, while a lot of tension patterns can be due to habit or due to psychological causes — like hunching forward as a way to “protect” ourselves, or having shallow breath which affects our sympathetic nervous system + we don’t move our breathing diaphragm which impacts our pelvic diaphragm + as a result our lymphatic system gets overburdened, this is not to say we cannot learn to adopt better postures. The better we work our body, the more we can transform the inputs being sent to the brain. For example, when we start breathing properly and expanding our ribcage, we enter a more parasympathetic state, which decreases our anxiety. And of course, at the same time, the safer we feel, the more likely it is we will carry ourselves in a more confident way. All of this, in turn, will change how much pressure is being put into our pelvic organs.

 

Lymphatic system: missing link to addressing inflammation

While the way we carry our bodies affects our pain levels, this is not the only piece we need to take into account for our body’s healing. Many times, inflammation in the body can be caused due to an overburden of toxins. Why does this happen? Well, while we are getting toxins and waste from the environment, from the foods we eat, from our own cellular waste… one of the main issues is that the system that takes care of draining all of this, doesn’t necessarily work optimally for many of us. Let me introduce you to the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is the sewage system of the body and removes bacteria, viruses, fungi, parasites and toxins. It is a part of the immune system as it sucks in pathogens and fights them with natural killer cells. We have lymph nodes all over our bodies except for our nails and hair. Our lymphatic system doesn’t have its own pumping/filtering system, so it heavily relies on moving the body naturally in order to rejuvenate and revitalize our whole being. This is why movement and breathwork are very important tools to incorporate into your daily self-care practices, and why breathing optimally is necessary. Our diaphragm pumps the cisterna chilly which is the major lymph node in the body, crucial for a healthy lymphatic system. Some of you may have never heard of this system, so I will do a quick breakdown on what is made up of:

 

Lymphatic vessels, which carry lymph (fluid) and white cells.

Lymph nodes are concentrations of nodes in the body that fight pathogens (bacteria/viruses.)

Lymphocytes are the cells of the lymphatic system that fight the pathogens.

Spleen produces lymphocytes and filters blood.

Thymus is where the maturation of T cells occurs.

Bone marrow is where the maturation of B cells takes place.

Tonsils, adenoids, appendix, and Peyer’s patches (intestines)

How is the modern world affecting our Lymphatic system negatively? First of all lets remember the lymphatic system is the sewerage system of the body; what our body produces to carry out the waste. However, unlike the vascular system, which pumps the blood to the heart, the lymphatic system does not have its own pump, so therefore we need to take control and do it ourselves.

The main things that affect our lymphatic system are not breathing deeply into our diaphragm, so what we need to explore is learning diaphragmatic breathing and making sure we are practicing this daily; so it can become an unconscious habit and new way of life. We can do this by putting our hands on our ribs so we can physically feel our ribcage expanding by our breath. Humans are usually operating from a shallow breath, so it is so important that we consciously check in with bodies and ourselves. This gives us time to pause, allowing us to be in the present moment by breathing deeply and re-center our being. Diaphragmatic breathing can be an incredibly grounding, peaceful experience and is a vital part of healing.

We spend a lot of time sitting and living inactive lifestyles so movement is very important. Looking back into our past evolution of being human we were designed to walk and survive; this was our purpose and lymphatic problems did not exist. However, because we are not moving a lot due to our jobs and lifestyle our lymphatic circulation doesn’t flow effortlessly which is an issue.

Toxins and chemicals are a lot more common today due to the pollution in our environment, due to synthetic substances. Which can overburden the lymphatic system, especially the liver.

Unhealthy diet (processed foods) creates more stress and toxins in our body. Organic foods would be ideal as they contain fewer toxins and grown in a better natural environment; (soil and air quality.) However, it is not always affordable, and even if some foods claim to be organic, we often don’t know if that’s true — and pollution is still affecting the air quality even if farmers do everything in their hands to avoid toxins in our food.

Digestive imbalances affect the lymphatic system as they work closely together, basically hand in hand if one isn’t working properly then the other system will be affected.

Stress creates stagnation in our bodies at a physical, emotional, and energetic level. This can affect pain.

Dehydration people may not be drinking as much water as they need. This helps flush our the “bad stuff” out of the body, but not only it’s about the quantity but about the quality too. A lot of the water we drink is not ideal and can create “further damage”. This is not to freak you out, but do be mindful of the water you consume. If you have access to Kangen water that’s ideal, however if that’s not possible, use filtered water and just add a few drops of fulvic acid to it to structure it.

“Cells are as healthy as the environment they live in.”

The lymph is responsible and determines this. The healthy cell will not let toxins trespass. The good nutrients stays and the toxins are rejected. Whereas with unhealthy cells, the toxins stay stuck unable to be released, therefore the healthy nutrients cannot be received.

The lymphatic system needs two things, Oxygen and Nutrients. Once the toxicity has been built up in our bodies we need to drain it before we can add the nutrients back in, otherwise it won’t make any difference. So, what causes disease? Two main things, Toxicity and Deficiency. If there is a toxic build up, we are clear that this is not good for our bodies, moreover, the inflammation compresses the nerve causing pain. But if our bodies cannot access oxygen and nutrients, that causes illness too. So when there is constriction, the tissue is not receiving everything it needs in order to be healthy, that’s why in many women with vulvodynia, we find thinning of the vulvar tissue. In order for this tissue to repair, there needs to be irrigation, and for this, first we need to release the built up toxic load.

 

The Lymphatic System and Digestive System go hand in hand

It is very important to keep these 2 things in mind because sometimes we may be taking great (and pricy!) supplements, but it feels like it’s not making a difference. Your body may not be able to use it because there’s a build up of waste that is not enabling the nutrients to be absorbed. The Lymphatic System and the Digestive system are very tightly linked, so if there is a lymphatic system problem, there is a digestive system problem, and viceversa. Therefore, we need to get rid of the “bad” stuff before we can put the good stuff in.

You can imagine a dirty aquarium, where fishes are becoming ill. It doesn’t matter if you give the fish all the “organic food fish” in the market (I am not even sure if there’s organic food for fishes, but you get my point!), the fish will still be ill because of all the dirt. Therefore we need to clean the aquarium, and when we feed the fish, it will thrive. For this reason, we say that “drainage precedes supply”.

Now, how do we know if we have a lymphatic system problem? It is actually quite common to have a backed up lymphatic system as chemicals, toxins surround us and there is pollution in our everyday lives, but I’ll share some of the most common symptoms.

  • Morning stiffness
  • Bloating or swelling (face, belly, extremities)
  • Painful or tender lymph nodes which appear swollen
  • Chronic pain (vulvodynia swelling lymph nodes in the groin area.)
  • Lack of energy/chronic fatigue
  • Skin issues
  • Poor sleep
  • Inability to lose weight
  • Delayed onset allergies
  • Easy bruising
  • Red/grey eyes
  • Low mineral absorption
  • Digestive problems
  • Bad breath even when you brush your teeth
  • Sore breasts and swelling during the menstrual cycle ( psst massaging the breasts to keep everything flowing would be beneficial)
  • Common colds
  • Ear and respiratory infections
  • Sinusitis
  • Generalized joint pain/ chronically swollen joints
  • Toxic conditions associated with the bowel
  • Unresolved trauma which is slow to heal
  • Tissue which is tender to the touch
  • Tonsillitis
  • Nerve pain
  • Brain fog/headaches

The lymphatic system is not only a “physical” issue though,  it accumulates physical and chemical toxins, yes, but it’s also a dump spot for emotional toxins. The cisterna chyli is the biggest lymph node of the body, located a couple of inches below the sternum and a major emotional spot of the body. A lot of emotions get stored there such as anger, rage and grief. Once we start working on this area, a lot of things may come up and old emotions can resurface; depending on how attuned you are to your body. This can be confronting if we have spent a lot of time dissociating from our emotions and bodies.

 

The Emotional Patterns and Wounds

The umbilicus is not only a portal to access our gut-associated-lymphoid-tissue, but it is also strongly linked to worthiness, as it is how we got our needs met whilst in the womb. But life happens and sometimes our needs are not met which can create a lack of safety, trauma in the body and a dysregulated nervous system. We may deal with this through coping mechanisms such as self-denial (not being aware of your own needs), deviance (wanting to feed your needs in any way, such as over-eating) and self-reliance (not asking for help to not be let down).

This difficulty to recognize our own needs, or the inability to meet them, can lead to people-pleasing tendencies, which often plays against us. These wounds throw the system off, directly affecting our neuroendocrine system. Often, illnesses that occur in the body without a clear external agent, are correlated to a lack of balance in the body. Our neuroendocrine system is overworked, and mechanisms that are very helpful for our survival and in case of acute illness, they start to play against us overtime. For this reason, when we suffer from vulvodynia we don’t want to only focus on the pelvic floor, but we aim to bring homeostasis into our systems so our whole body can improve. And, as a result, the pain can go away.

Everything Works Together, Mind & Body are One

As we see, nothing in the body is truly isolated. All systems work together and that’s why for a long-term, sustainable healing, we need to approach the body as a whole ecosystem. No system in the body works alone, gets injured alone, or heals alone, and this is why we can fall short when we focus only on the symptom (vulvar pain) and tackle only this area. Our bodies know how to heal when they have the right conditions. Of course, we don’t live in an ideal world, and sometimes we need to work with what we have, but ideally, we can provide the best situation possible for your mind and body to enter the repair mode. I help women heal from this by approaching psychology, nervous system, sexuality, biomechanics, inflammation, and endocrinology (balancing hormones).

Don’t Go After the Pain, Tackle the Root

In short, does vulvodynia go away? Yes, if we address the root cause, improving the whole body health, instead of going after the pain. When pain starts, it means other systems aren’t working properly either, whether we can see it or not. Once the pain starts, it just means that the body has been in survival mode for so long, that it can no longer repair itself, and therefore, it “sacrifices” some of the lesser needed systems, in order to continue protecting the most important ones (such as the heart, the brain, the lungs..). While vulvodynia can be primed by sexual trauma, it is not always the case. However, whether there is that component or not, in all cases we want to restore the safety in your nervous system so your body can continue to repair itself, and we can nurture it in ways that will boost your health and your own inner healing.

What can you do from here?

I hope this helps you gain more clarity on what happens in the body and why it is important to have a multifocal approach to heal from vulvodynia. If it is something that is in alignment for you and that you find interesting, you can book a discovery call with me. Whatever your next steps are, I am wishing you lots of love and healing.

Kindly, Miriam

You Aren’t Alone: Celebrities With Vulvodynia Suffer Too

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When we think of celebrities we don’t think of celebrities with Vulvodynia. We think of glamour, luxury, and fame, but celebrities are human beings too. They can fall sick, experience chronic pain, and have terminal illnesses. Sadly, sometimes the only time we hear a public figure had a severe illness, is when they pass away like it was the case of celebrity Chadwick Boseman who battled cancer in silence for four years. While there are many reasons why they may choose not to share it publicly, it is important to know that we are not alone in any battle, whether we know it or not. While it is to be respected that they want to have their privacy, I think that when they have the occasion to speak on what they are going through, it really helps normalize health and mental health challenges.

I am sure that more than one well-known celebrity suffers from Vulvodynia, though I have only found one in my research, however, we are still on the way to not only normalizing speaking about pain, but especially in an area that can be so difficult to discuss publicly.

 

We Need To Normalize Talking About Vulvodynia

I think we are headed in the right direction in normalizing speaking about it though, as some public figures are using their voice to bring awareness to some health conditions. Lady Gaga has brought a lot of visibility to chronic pain through sharing her own struggle with fibromyalgia, while other actors have spoken on it, she is shedding much more light on it than anyone did before by showing the ups and downs of her fight. We have also heard about Selena Gomez’s battle with lupus, including needing a kidney transplant. When they speak about conditions that aren’t that well-known or that have a lot of stigma around it, they are helping other sufferers be more understood. Of course, sometimes using their platform is not always possible, when you struggle with your health, you need to tend to yourself first, but I for one appreciate when in better times, they open up about it and pave the way for others to talk about it.

While Vulvodynia has an extra stigma to it due to the body part affected, the actress Zosia Mamet spoke about her experience with Pelvic Floor Pain Dysfunction and visits to a variety of doctors in her monologue in 2017. She describes the level of discouragement she experienced trying to find answers for her vulvar pain, how she was led to believe it was all in her head, and explains some treatments that were offered to her that seem more of a medieval torture than a cure for such a sensitive area. Her description of the difficulties women encounter to be taken seriously and to find a diagnosis is painfully accurate for something that is meant to be funny (as it’s stand-up comedy), but a great way to start a conversation on this and educate people on what the average woman with pelvic pain goes through.

On the other hand, Vulvodynia was presented as a “depressed vagina” in Sex and The City, when Charlotte reports her symptoms to a gynecologist, but the reality on how they presented it couldn’t be further from the truth, which brings the wrong type of attention to this painful condition. The idea that a course of anti-depressants can cure this and that it is not a debilitating condition seems truly invalidating to the number of Vulvodynia sufferers who had to change their whole lifestyle due to the excruciating pain.

While they say that no attention is bad since at least the name “Vulvodynia” is being put out there, I find it would be useful to portray it how it actually is, so when we speak about it, we don’t get told we are exaggerating. You have probably had your very own first-hand experience being told that it can’t be that bad and that you just need to relax, it is very hard for people who do not suffer from it, to relate to this – or any – pain. This puts us in situations that are even more traumatizing (in case that living in chronic pain and the psycho-emotional causes that play a role in it weren’t enough!).

Now, we know that most likely, not even people in our circle are likely to go and read about this condition, but when people in the public eye speak about it, they are being educated through that. Yes, a lot of the people in our lives may learn more about a certain condition through a celebrity speaking about their own struggle, than by just seeing you suffering with it. People with influence can move masses and know how to speak to convey their message, whereas we are just left in pain and only trying to come up with more and more metaphors to share with those around us for them to empathize with what we’re feeling (so many of us had to come up with things like: feeling someone poured acid on the vulva, having an open wound, having a candent metal rod poking that area… to try for others to understand what it feels like). Unfortunately, many times they still won’t understand no matter how well we try to explain.

 

My Personal Story Of Trauma And Public Humiliation

Something that happened to me in university was that during a class we had a debate. While I enjoyed classes, participating, and debating, in this particular case we had a very limited amount of time to expose our arguments, which made me quite stressed out. That stress caused a bad flare. On top of that, I had my period. There was no way for me to sit straight due to pain, and I was tilting my body towards the side, in a very odd-looking hunch. I was feeling self-conscious and I didn’t want anyone – my classmates or the professor – to take that body position as a signal of lack of interest. For that reason, when it was my turn to intervene, I apologized for holding a weird body posture and briefly mentioned my “ovaries” were really hurting (thank God I didn’t say “vulva”! You’ll see later why). I thought that would be enough for them to understand the situation and I carried on with my argument for the debate.

I didn’t think too much about it after the class, and I went on with my day, only to find out that in our next class I would be pretty much publicly stoned. The professor brought up the subject that I said the word “ovaries” in public and how that wasn’t professional (oh the irony that now I openly speak about vulvas and vaginas as part of my profession :D), and she was presenting that to my classmates expecting their nods of agreement. All of them except for one girl went on to agree and discuss how horrible it is for me to say that. They kept talking about me as if I wasn’t there, and I felt extremely humiliated. I started to cry and I tried to explain my pelvic floor problem (wishing for this terminology not to offend them), and even though I did the best I could to explain the level of pain I was feeling during the debate, and at that moment in the class, not a single person cared about it. They only cared about what they thought to be “proper” words to say, and “improper” words. As if “ovaries” was a curse word and not a part of the female anatomy. Maybe I could have worded it better, but to me saying “period” or something like that, felt “worse” than saying a body part. I didn’t want to paint an image of something bloody for them. Maybe I could’ve skipped altogether saying anything, but I do not think explaining our pain is a bad thing at all. However, for them it was.

 

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Then, feeling attacked and crying in the class, I went to the bathroom to continue sobbing and holding myself, filled with hatred for people who instead of meeting me with care and empathy (and let’s remember they were in college for psychology just like me, you’d think empathy is a thing among them), just looked down on me. When I needed people the most, it’s when they turned their backs against me. I felt lonely, isolated, misunderstood, and in a lot of pain. Only one classmate dared to defend me saying she didn’t find it improper. And in the corridor, walking back from the bathroom, I found another girl who cared about what was going on when she saw me unwell. She listened and understood, and it was the only bit of hope I had at that moment. But the numbers were against me, the majority didn’t care AT ALL about how I was feeling, they were just getting off humiliating me, and sadly the professor had a major role in it. Yes, a psychologist preferred what she considered to be politically correct rather than understanding where I was coming from and helping me feel cared for in the middle of my despair.

I failed tremendously to convey to these people, and to others in my life, how horrible and despairing living with Vulvodynia – or any chronic illness – is. How do I wish that in that time, I could’ve played for them Zosia Mamet’s monologue so maybe they would’ve listened and understood it better coming from someone public. It’s like when a celebrity goes through it, it is more real than when it’s someone they know is going through it. They will many more times pity someone famous than offer to help someone they know going through the same thing.

 

My Solution To Changing The Way We Talk About Vulvodynia

Now, I am sure that this is not the case for everyone, and that there will be sufferers with a supportive family, friends, and close circles who care to listen to them and do their best to understand. That’s great and extremely helpful in the healing journey, however, it is not the norm. I had a few people close to me do their best to understand me, but not the majority. Most of us get tired of even speaking about it, even when we are unable to walk or do many other things because the pain is too strong. We give up because we know people won’t get it. They won’t care, it will be lost time and energy. So many times I’ve been mocked for my clothing choices and other things by my own family, not realizing I wasn’t able to wear any sort of pants or panties because the pain was excruciating. So I just sat with the hope that one day they would understand. I would never wish ill onto anyone, but sometimes I did wish that the people around me could experience my pain even if it was just for a few days. Just for them to understand what I was going through day in and day out.

Now I don’t need to have that fight with them anymore, I don’t need to wear skirts all year round, I don’t need to cry going to stores because there’s nothing that I can wear that will be warm enough, but I still see daily women who are misunderstood in their pain and it breaks my heart because I know so well the feeling of being isolated from others when nobody in your circle truly knows what it feels like.

For this reason, I speak about vulvas, vaginas, pain, and Vulvodynia as much as I like. Now that I have the strength, I will advocate for those who are going through it for them to be heard. But I cannot do it alone, and for this reason, I hope that soon more and more people – especially those with bigger platforms – will bring visibility to it. So every person living with this debilitating condition can be understood and taken seriously.

“Now that I have the strength, I will advocate for those who are going through it for them to be heard.”

You’re not alone in this fight, there are many women experiencing what you’re going through, and we hear you, understand you, and care for you.

I know how it feels and that’s why I decided to specialize in this, so I could bring the solutions that we aren’t often offered. There is hope, and if you’d like to know more about it, I would love for us to connect in a call.

Much love,
Miriam 🧡

 

How some seemingly innocent daily actions can be making your chronic pain more permanent and why you should address your subconcious to heal chronic pain

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It is well known that pain is “created” on the brain. In acute wounds, our skin receptors pick up on the changes in temperature, pressure, etc., and tell the brain, which transforms it into a pain signal. In chronic pain, there may be inflammation of the joints which the brain process as painful too, other times it may have a strictly neuropathic origin, either way, the brain is a crucial element in our development and persistence of pain. What happens, is that many times we do not know WHY we have it. Physically, things may seem okay, however, this may serve as an indicator of something going on with your unconscious mind. Even if you cannot remember or know where it’s stemming from, our bodies have memory and they store emotions. Even if there is no current threat at the moment, our subconscious is still running and telling us about a potential threat.

Whatever the origin is, what happens with chronic pain is that we enter a state of alarm that perpetuates that pain. We become hypervigilant, therefore strengthening those neural pathways that are signaling pain. When we are in pain, a subconscious pattern takes over and we feed more and more than pain, because after all, it is there! Sometimes it is the only thing we can think about all day long. No matter what we do, it is there, it is impossible not to feel it, it drains us, and therefore, we can’t help it but give it more attention, see if it’s getting worse, check the internet about it, talk about it with our friends or family, dwell about it, go to Doctor’s appointments to try to figure it out, have tests done… the pain literally becomes the center of our life. And the more it takes over, the more this vicious cycle gets strengthened.

It is extremely difficult not to drive attention to it, when it’s literally getting in the way of your daily life, how could you possibly not think about it? In some cases, you may have to stop working, or in my case, I had to take a break from school for a few years and I dedicated myself exclusively to trying to heal. However, there were things I could’ve done differently to help myself heal faster. For example, I kept checking out my vulva a few times a day with a mirror to make sure there were no changes. Oh, this came to be not only from the pain, but a gynecologist said that I could possibly have lichen sclerosus and I got really freaked out thinking my vulva could start changing at any time, or maybe it was already doing so and I had not realized! So there was I, young Miriam in her early-mid 20s checking her vulva daily; as if gazing my vulva would prevent any changes from happening. I did not have LS, it was vulvodynia, however, that wrong diagnosis skyrocketed my anxiety. And the more I looked at my vulva, the more I fed the feeling of unsafety to my brain. Another one was reading forums and checking online for other people’s experiences and articles. While there were some optimistic stories, what I mostly encountered were the stories of the people who did not heal. But uh oh, the information available online was biased! Why? Well, when you recover and you’re happy and healthy, you rarely go back to the same forums, support groups etc., and talk about your experience. A few people do, but most go on with their lives without looking back! So what do we encounter? People that are still in pain and that need a place to share their suffering. Therefore, we will always find many more stories of people who still have it, than success stories. That created even more anxiety in me. I kept reading about women who couldn’t work because of it, and I was wondering what I would do the rest of my life, being still young, single (for some, their husbands could support them, for me, that would have to be my parents if anything — for the rest of my life??), and being in a level of pain that held me back from even going for a light walk, let alone doing a full shift at work! That only made me spiral down and eventually, I started developing other symptoms, like the numbing of the right half of my body, which brought me to the ER a few times. Several neurological tests allowed me to calm down a little, knowing there was no neurological damage. Eventually, I had to set the boundary with myself of not looking at my vulva anymore for a period of time, and not reading any more stories online on vulvodynia. I felt tempted to do it, but that couldn’t go on, those actions were feeding my pain, so as challenging as it was, I stopped completely.

Why is this important? Because your mind has much greater power than you think. It will give you more of what you feed it, and the subconscious programming running in the background is picking up on what you’re doing, feeling, thinking, etc. And it will act according to that. If you think you can heal, you can heal, if you think you’re doomed… well, that makes it much more challenging. If you already expect pain, your brain will keep sending it. And the more it does, the more traumatized you become, and the more traumatized, the less safety, the less safety, the more your brain will try to protect you… and how does your brain protect you? With pain! And anxiety, and anything that creates avoidant behaviors in order to help you survive.

But there is hope! You can reprogram your subconscious mind. You can create enough safety in your nervous system and in your body, that your brain doesn’t need to keep signaling pain anymore. This is why working with the nervous system, with the subconscious mind, with the emotions… is so important. We need to create a whole different inner environment in order to heal.

Healing trauma doesn’t only mean “healing cognitively things that happened to us that caused us suffering”, it means rewiring the nervous system so our brain doesn’t need to send us any more pain. It means creating so much safety and trust in our bodies and our ability to heal, that we switch off the alarm. That we don’t need to think about the pain, and the less we think about it, the more we create new neural pathways that support our new narratives where our life doesn’t revolve around our pain anymore. 

There are many tools to do so, and while I love working with the vagus nerve to bring the physiological activation down, it is also important to change the programming. Doing one-on-one work can be very powerful, but there are some other things that you can start implementing, such as watching out your self-talk, learning to listen and honor your needs, and subconcious re-programming with guided hypnosis. If you’d like to know more on this topic, feel free to drop me a comment or send me a message.
Much love,

Miriam

Pleasurable movement

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When we think of a healing journey, we think of something strenuous, tiring, hours of psychotherapy, physical therapy, Doctor’s offices, meds, exercises to do at home mandated by our therapist, food restrictions… but in fact, a healing journey should be pleasurable too.

How can healing be possible, if healing in itself becomes stressful? Yes, there will be difficult aspects of it, it’s not a path paved with roses, however, that shouldn’t be ALL of it. A healing journey should include coming back to yourself, reconnecting to your power, pleasure, and sensuality in the ways that best align with you. 

For me, that was belly dancing. Even if I had to wear saggy pants to not cringe at the touch of them, dancing allowed me to reconnect to myself, to feel supported by a community of women, to create safety and confidence in my own body, to signal safety to my nervous system to help it soothe, it helped me relax and flow, and allowed the energy to move through my body.

To find that pleasure in yourself, I highly recommend some sort of slow, gentle movement. Movement helps us release stagnant energy and emotions held in our muscles, it releases happy hormones while reducing stress hormones, and can help us feel present and embodied. While dancing a samba can be a challenge while we are in pain, try something slow, sensual, something that reminds you that you’re still a beautiful woman with a perfect body to love. To remind you that you’re whole and complete and that you deserve pleasure. That you embody so many precious qualities and have so much to offer and create, with pain or without it.

You can try any sort of movement that feels good to you, yoga can be a beautiful addition if you enjoy it, and not only because you feel you “should” do it. Find what resonates with you, what lights your soul. 

If you need any more reasons to allow movement in, I’d love to share with you that conscious movement improves proprioception. That is your body’s ability to sense itself, the position in space, and self-movement. And here comes the juicy part: the receptors that take part in proprioception travel to the central nervous system through the same pathways as nociceptors. Nociceptors are the receptors that tell your brain when there’s a painful stimulus. Ok, this doesn’t sound very sexy, but hear me out on this, because when we increase proprioception, we help override nociception. Therefore, it helps rewire your nervous system in a way that reduces pain.

Moreover, through enjoyable movement, we help the nervous system regulate, which is a key piece of healing. The more feelings of safety we can create in our body, the faster we will heal. After all, our body wants us to be safe before it can generate all the processes to bring healing, so creating that place of safety is crucial, but it should be done in ways that bring us pleasure too. So listen to your body and respect its cues when it tells you to stop, but don’t approach movement with fear, let yourself be curious and explore it. We are not training for a marathon so there’s no need to over-do it, you can go as slow as you need to feel comfortable and only allow in movements that feel respectful to your body. The most important piece is to just allow yourself to try it, to explore, to remain open to what’s possible, because health is just around the corner when you embrace the journey with a touch of pleasure.

You need this B-word in your self-care routine and it does not stand for “baths”

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The B in self-care is not for Baths, but for Boundaries. Setting boundaries can do more for our health than any bodywork. Don’t get me wrong, I love bodywork and I think it is extremely helpful, however, it will not bring you healing if you’re constantly depleted due to putting other people’s needs first.

I often find among my clients that they have difficulties with boundaries, and it makes perfect sense as our ability to set limits and our pelvises are very connected. Our boundaries allow us to choose what comes in and what stays out. We do the same with our pelvises, we get to choose who we give our sacred energy to, and to whom we do not. Except that many times we give and give in both instances to we can feel loved, or to avoid the discomfort or the guilt of saying no…

Many of the women struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, saying no, and putting themselves first. This creates an inner environment in the body of anger, resentment, lack, stress… Not only do we know that stored emotions manifest in the body, but they create a hostile environment for our health.

If you are used to always taking care of others and putting their needs before you, your body will continue to tell you that there is something wrong. How can it turn off the alarm of pain if you’re not listening yet? You are the most important person in your life, and as such, taking care of yourself should be a top priority. You don’t need to make everyone happy, even if you were conditioned to do so. 

Every time you’re giving in just because you don’t feel comfortable saying no, you’re abusing yourself. You become your own perpetrator and therefore causing your body to still be on high alert, because there is something hurting it, and it needs to let you know about it.

I find many women struggle to speak up for themselves and then they practice “self-care” to feel better about the stress they underwent by betraying their wants and needs. Meditation and baths are a lovely addition to our lives, but the main foundation has to be done in the playing field, in the decisions you make daily. Do these choices support your healing or do they hinder it?

Healing includes your body knowing you can take care of yourself. Setting limits it’s uncomfortable, but in the long run, it’s the best investment you can make on yourself. Learning to do this can be free, but you actually need to practice it every single day. 

Some days, we will not be able to stand our ground as much as we’d like, but it is a process, it’s all part of a journey and it’s important to remind ourselves of this, but with the knowing, that we are improving. This was something very difficult for me to grasp, but it made a world of a difference once I learned it. Yet, sometimes I still fail to assert myself! But instead of letting the anger build up inside of me, I try to release it in healthy ways (journaling can be fantastic for this) and I tell myself that I am learning, that it is a process, and that I am doing my best to look after myself one day at a time.

Now, let me ask you something, if your pain would cease every time you choose to meet your needs instead of giving into other people’s needs, who would you put first?

It’s very likely that if saying NO made your pain go away, you’d become the queen of boundaries, however we know that it is unlikely that the alarm (pain) will stop right away. After all, your nervous system needs some time to rewire and learn that it’s safe. However, in the long run, this will be extremely supportive for your healing. Your body and your nervous system will understand that you’re in charge and therefore they don’t need to tell you about the dangerous situation (stress, bottled up emotions), so they won’t need to continue ringing the bell of pain. So every time you need to make a decision and you’re torn between what you want and what you feel you “should” do, make the balance on what weighs more.

In some situations, we “need” to act even if it’s not our preference, yes life throws these situations at us where we almost can’t say no (we actually always can, but in some instances we feel it’s the right thing to do), however, it should not be part of our daily life feeling depleted and unable to assert ourselves. These should be exceptions we make, not the way we live. And when these situations arise, it is important to have a healthy coping mechanism to release the feelings instead of bottling them up.

 

Now, maybe you’re thinking that this post doesn’t speak on your boundaries because you have a clear NO, however, if you put a wall of steel between you and the person or situation that is causing you discomfort, that’s not healthy boundaries either. That is purely another response to not being able to express yourself in an assertive way. You’re not allowing in good things and the possibility of negotiation because you’re so tired of people continuously taking advantage of you, that you’re afraid of giving them an opening for them to do so again. However, by completely cutting them out, you’re not able to allow good things to come in, things that would make you happy if you knew how to communicate your needs in an effective manner. So in the end, it’s just a response to the previous problem. It’s the best solution you could come up with to protect yourself, and that is wonderful because you’re already on the path to looking after yourself, however building a wall around us isn’t the path to wellbeing either.

You may do this consciously or unconsciously, so in the case of the latter, it is important to gain awareness of it. Once we know our tendency and that we need to care for our own needs, we can work on refining the ways we communicate with others to find a good ground for both parties. In short, it is important to learn how to voice ourselves so we don’t shut down as protection. 

For me, this was my case for years, especially when it came to sex. After being taken advantage of many times, in my early 20s I started to set very strict boundaries with guys. But that didn’t allow me to create a safe environment where I could thrive, it simply disconnected me from that part of myself and didn’t allow space to explore my sexuality with others. Through understanding myself and my fears on setting limits, I changed the pattern and opened the ground for my sexuality to flourish.

I invite you to reflect on how you act, and take action in a direction that allows you to protect yourself, while at the same time acting with kindness and empathy with those that you’re setting limits with. It is easier said than done, but it all starts with awareness and the intention to improve.

Much love,

 

Miriam

Why is the Vagus Nerve the first thing to address if you want to heal your V?

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If there was only one part of your body I’d like for you to focus on to live a good life, I would love for you to focus on healing the V. And no, I am not speaking about the vulva, though if you’re readying this, it’s likely you struggle with vulvodynia. The V-word I want for you to always keep in mind is the Vagus Nerve. That is the 10th cranial nerve and one of the most important pieces to regulate the autonomic nervous system (fight or flight/rest and digest) that goes from the brainstem to the cervix, innervating all major organs in the body.
For our bodies to be able to heal, whether it is an acute infection or a chronic illness/pain, it is important to promote a relaxation response in the body. For if we are focused on survival, our energy cannot go towards healing. The Vagus Nerve helps us regulate our autonomic nervous system, activating the parasympathetic state. That is the “rest and digest”, opposite to the “fight or flight”.
Often we live stressed out and especially when we live in chronic pain it’s easy to lose homeostasis (in this case, meaning the balance between the sympathetic – fight or flight and the parasympathetic – rest and digest branch of the autonomic nervous system), so in order to heal from chronic pain, the top thing we need to address is the nervous system to foster an environment for healing. For this, I’d like to share some techniques with you that help stimulate the vagus nerve (and therefore the parasympathetic response).
Breathing
Breathing is one of the easiest ways to activate the vagus nerve. Now, lots of us don’t pay enough attention to our breathing in our day-to-day lives, so we end up with shallow breaths. This only makes us feel more anxious, so as they say “control your breath, control your life”.
Try to bring attention to your breath during the day and slow it down a bit, bringing the air to your diaphragm. This will help stimulate the vagus nerve and make you feel more serene, as well as allowing more healing in your body.
There are certain types of breathwork you can practice depending on what you’re trying to achieve, it’s generally a very powerful tool to regulate the nervous system. I love doing the 4-7-8. That is inhaling in 4 seconds, holding for 7, and exhaling in 8. When the exhale is longer than the inhale, we stimulate the vagus nerve and therefore, the relaxation response.
Vibration
Vibration is a good way to stimulate the vagus nerve; things such as humming or singing are a fast and powerful way to induce a parasympathetic (rest and digest) response.
Massage
The vagus nerve can be accessed through some self-massaging techniques, usually better performed with the help of some props. This one is one of my favorite to teach as it allows to change the level of physiological activation super quickly! Usually, I use props for better grip, but for some of the practices, you could also use your hands. Working the sides of your neck or through the sides of the ribs, it’s a powerful way to stimulate the branches of the vagus nerve.
Taping
Applying tape behind our ears and in our collarbone can also help induce the relaxation response – you’ll need Kinesio tape for that as tapes that aren’t suited for skin contact can be irritating.
These are just a few of the several ways to stimulate the Vagus Nerve, if you’d like to know more on how to trigger the rest and digest response and promote the best environment for your body to heal, feel free to comment or send me a message, I look forward to hearing from you. Much love,
Miriam

Listen to the whispers of your body before it needs to scream

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Our bodies talk to us all the time through different signs; first, they whisper, but if we do not hear the whispers, eventually they’ll scream…

Before I developed my vulvodynia, I was living in a constant state of anxiety and my body kept telling me I was not safe and something needed to change. My work was extremely demanding physically and emotionally and I always felt on edge. But I kept telling myself I couldn’t quit because it was the only resource I had to pay for everything I needed to pay. However, in hindsight, I should’ve quit while I was ahead before my body had to scream at me to stop.

Once I developed vulvodynia, I couldn’t do what I was doing anymore.
I had to once and for all stop abusing my body.
I didn’t listen to my body when it was giving signals over and over again through anxiety and panic attacks and eventually, it gave me so much pain, that I had no choice but to listen to my screaming vagina and change my life radically.

After that, I embarked on a long journey of becoming more attuned to my body…
Listening to what it says and honoring it, as well as understanding my emotions on a deeper level.

This required a change in my identity; I couldn’t be the same Miriam and still suppress everything by shoving down my fears, anger, and grief down.
In order to heal, I had to face all of it. Everything needed to come out and I had to learn to put myself first.
If my body said something that didn’t resonate with us (mind, body, and spirit), we would listen, and even if it was difficult, we spoke up. If my body said something wasn’t sitting well, we learned to change our actions to act in alignment. If my body told me we had unprocessed emotions stored in our organs and muscles, we created space for it to come out. We allowed emotions that I generally suppressed, to come out and become alive.
I took actions that needed to be taken in order to promote my healing.
I left relationships, distanced from friendships, dropped out from my previous school, moved to my home country, changed my diet, learned to set boundaries… I was finally listening to every single thing my body needed to enable its healing. It was difficult, even at times traumatic. I had to make decisions I did not want to make, but I knew if I didn’t put myself first, I would not heal. So I did things that were very difficult for me at first because I just knew that’s what I needed and what would support my healing, even if that meant giving up on the life I had envisioned for myself. But by listening to every inch of my being I finally healed, and now I am grateful I made all of those decisions. Not only did I heal, but actually my whole life became better from it.
Listening to our needs can be difficult, first, we need to know WHAT our body is signaling us, and then we need to honor it, which will undoubtedly be uncomfortable, but it is so worth it to make ourselves a priority. It’s such an essential and fundamental part of the healing journey.
Our bodies don’t want to feel pain, we don’t want to feel pain, there isn’t a single bit in ourselves that wants to be in pain, but sometimes that alarm is all we have to tell ourselves we need to tend to our own needs.
You may already know what you need but have difficulties in taking action toward bettering yourself or you may be unaware of how much your internal state affects your external world & pain.
I am more than happy to guide you on your healing journey and help you connect to what your heart tells you, by finding the ways to give yourself what you need.
This will not be the only aspect we will be focusing on, but be a big missing piece toward fully healing. Once you learn to listen to yourself, it will be a tool that you will forever have with you. You’ll be able to connect with what your body tells you and act upon it. It’s not always an easy process, but I walked that path with some amazing guidance, and I would love to now walk it with you.

Love your body back to health… Today [Poetry]

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Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start loving yourself.
Don’t wait for sunshine and rainbows.
Don’t wait for the perfect day, the perfect situation, when you feel more healed or when you feel better.
Don’t wait until you’re less bloated, when you can sit, when you’re prettier, when you lose weight, when you gain weight, when you’re less broken, when you’re less the mirage of who you used to be.
No. Start now. No day will be bright enough, the grass will never green enough. The temperature will never feel warm enough. The rubbing of your skin will never be gentle enough. Just start, and the rest will come with ease. I promise you. I am proof.

You don’t need to be a healed muse in the lake to start stroking your skin, massaging your neck, or passing your fingers through your hair… You just need to just do it, even if it’s in a tiny bedroom or a broken-tiled bathroom. Because at that moment, all that matters is you. You and the connection to yourself. To feel you’re alive, to feel free, to wake up the wild woman you have inside yourself and start to unravel the many layers of trauma.
You’re already wild and free even if it doesn’t seem like your physical world isn’t matching up to your internal world.
Even if you’re the prisoner of your own body.
But if you’re going to be an inmate in a cell (which you won’t be, not forever; as everything is temporary), you may as well make the cell prettier.
Look for the corners of light.
That little jail that you despise is your body, and when you tune into it, it can convert to be the most wonderful landscape. With fresh air and ray beams of light, with a sweet scent taking you back to glorious feelings and memories.
But to get there, we cannot sit in the dark waiting for the storm to pass.
I wish I could remove the clouds for you and open the door, but you’re the only one who has the key.
You’re the only one that can care and love your body strongly enough to break the chains of pain, conditioning, anxiety, depression, and bitter tears.
So break free, my love.
Look at yourself in the mirror and embrace your beauty.
Tell your reflection how incredibly beautiful and gifted it is.
Hug yourself, play music and move with gentleness, or shake your body if that’s what it needs.
Don’t silence your precious voice, speak out loud, hear the powerful words that you articulate, scream if you’re called to do so.
Hum, sing, laugh.
Feel your skin and let your fingers trace your skin with tenderness.
Tell yourself what a marvelous being you are.

Love yourself even if you feel unworthy; especially if you feel unworthy…
You don’t have to eat the world yet, there is no rush.
You don’t have to be the best version of yourself yet, everlasting change does not happen overnight.
Consistency is key.
I want for you to get visualize yourself well; to dream about it, fantasize about it, and bring that image closer and closer because you need to know the woman you’re becoming has an inner knowing an innate ability to heal, and her own unique compass.
Once you know the direction, it’s much easier to follow your heart to get there.
So love yourself deeply, knowing that the place where you are at right now is where you are meant to be and this is not permanent.
Walk every step of the way with your head as high as you can.
We are here to support you. There is a place for you. And even if things seem hopeless and unbearable now, please try even if it’s for just one minute, to embrace yourself with all of you and with all facets of you meeting each other, integrating, and loving each other. Knowing each of them has a purpose.

You’re an incredible creature and you will feel most honoured if you can just look at yourself in the mirror, for brief moments, to discover how amazing your body actually is.
Love it well, with passion, like you’re your most enticing lover, because you are.
I want you to be nature, love, light, paradise, the moon and the stars, the embodiment of the whole universe itself.
You’re powerful, you’re strong, you’re amazing.
Love yourself so hard that your body can’t respond with anything but gratitude.
I know it sounds like so simple, but it’s such an important mindset shift.
It’s not the whole the path, but it gives you the will to walk it.

I love you, I see you. I am here for you.

How I Cured My Vulvodynia by Miriam Provenzano

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It all started back in February 2017, while I was attending one of my university classes; all of a sudden my vagina suddenly started burning. I didn’t know back then, but my life was about to change forever…

At first, my thoughts were that I probably developed some sort of nasty infection, but after several months of vaginal burning and countless gynecologist visits, I was diagnosed with vulvodynia.

Receiving a diagnosis of chronic pain in my mid 20s was absolutely devastating, the constant pain and the diagnosis completely brought me down and my mental health started drastically deteriorating. My days consisted of dragging myself out of bed, going to school, gazing at my vagina- to see if there was something wrong with it, and going to bed.
I was unable to walk more than a few minutes without being in excruciating pain. I wasn’t able to sit, wear underwear or pants, do any sort of physical exercise, and sex was completely out of the equation.

I would just continuously check forums about vulvodynia with the hope to see that people had healed, overcome this intimate pain and they were able to live their lives completely pain free. However, some had been in pain for 20 plus years and then some had healed thanks to acupuncture.

At first, my thoughts were that I probably developed some sort of infection, but after several months of vaginal burning and countless gyno visits, I got diagnosed with vulvodynia. Being diagnosed with chronic pain in my early 20s was devastating, the pain and the diagnosis completely brought me down and my mental health started deteriorating. My days consisted of dragging myself out of bed, going to school, gazing at my vagina to see if there was something wrong with it, and going to bed. I was unable to walk more than a few minutes without being in excruciating pain. I was not able to sit, wear underwear or pants, do any sort of physical exercise, and sex was completely out of the equation. I would just continuously check forums about vulvodynia with the hope to see people that healed. Some had been in pain for 20 years, some had healed thanks to acupuncture.

Feeling helpless…

Every treatment that I came across, which helped another person, I would try out for myself. It was disappointing because nothing was working for me and I began to wonder whether I would be one of the thousands of women that would be in pain for the rest of their lives.

I felt so lost and scared, bed-ridden with pain, anxiety and depression.

The pain was all consuming and it wasn’t long until my upper half of my body started becoming numb. I wondered if I had a neurological problem since my vaginal problem was also nerve related. So I went and got all these neurological tests, which came back clear, but shortly after I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. I felt my world crumbling down. I was still too young to be suffering from all of this pain, however neither the medical community nor alternative therapies were offering solutions or relief.

I felt confused, worried, alone, and so misunderstood… but I was so determined to get better. I would not accept these symptoms of suffering for the rest of my life. After a lot of trial and error, I started pelvic floor therapy and psychotherapy. Pelvic floor therapy helped me relax my pelvis as I was carrying a lot of tension in it, but I knew there was more to layers to unravel.

Finally through an integrative somatic therapist, I started releasing the depth of my traumas that I was carrying in my body. Amazingly, my nervous system started regulating. I now knew I was safe and that all the abuse and sexual trauma I had endured, were slowly starting to resolve as I began to let go.
The fire alarm could no longer go off as I was tending to my body and listening to its needs. Healing trauma helped me make many improvements; as most of my pain improved and so did my mental health, although, I still had an inflamed pelvis.

It seemed that even though my pain had subsidized a lot, there was more to the equation than I had originally thought, but I couldn’t pin point what, as all doctors looked at different parts of me as separate, instead of looking my body as a whole.

I had a gyno, a rheumatologist, an endocrinologist, and a gastroenterologist

I had plenty of health issues but nobody was getting to the root cause, as they couldn’t figure out the missing pieces to complete the puzzle. Luckily, I finally found a pelvic pain specialist and even though they focused on the “pelvic” area, she actually addressed the body and the mind as a whole completely connected. I couldn’t believe I had ultimately found the missing piece for my healing through connecting all the different systems in the body.

I began to understand that our pelvic organs are not separate from our hormones, gut, or lymphatic system and through working with the mind and body; I was able to fully heal not only my vaginal pain but also my whole entire health and well-being.

Finally, I was not the sick girl anymore

I was not depressed in bed anymore, getting sore throats all the time. My thyroid wasn’t under-active anymore, and my IBS had healed. I understood that all systems in the body (and here I include the mind too), work together, and therefore they need to be addressed in conjunction with each other to be able to fully heal.

Now that I rid myself from pain, I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to study with the professionals that helped me and to fully understand how to create an environment for healing in the body. And now, I am so thrilled and excited to bring you these important healing techniques so you can heal too!

I hope we can work together soon to start your healing journey out of pain and suffering. You can have a beautiful life. Free. Wild. Pain free. You just have to believe. Put in the work. And implement the right techniques, which will help you heal. If this aligns with you, if you feel in your gut, heart and soul that this may be the answer you have been looking for, please feel free to reach out. I will not heal you, I will simply teach you the tools to heal yourself, and I will guide you back to yourself. Your body has the innate ability to heal. When you cut your finger it heals by itself… why can’t this be applied to all the other parts of your body?

I promise you healing is possible as I am proof!
Much love, Miriam.