It is well known that pain is “created” on the brain. In acute wounds, our skin receptors pick up on the changes in temperature, pressure, etc., and tell the brain, which transforms it into a pain signal. In chronic pain, there may be inflammation of the joints which the brain process as painful too, other times it may have a strictly neuropathic origin, either way, the brain is a crucial element in our development and persistence of pain. What happens, is that many times we do not know WHY we have it. Physically, things may seem okay, however, this may serve as an indicator of something going on with your unconscious mind. Even if you cannot remember or know where it’s stemming from, our bodies have memory and they store emotions. Even if there is no current threat at the moment, our subconscious is still running and telling us about a potential threat.

Whatever the origin is, what happens with chronic pain is that we enter a state of alarm that perpetuates that pain. We become hypervigilant, therefore strengthening those neural pathways that are signaling pain. When we are in pain, a subconscious pattern takes over and we feed more and more than pain, because after all, it is there! Sometimes it is the only thing we can think about all day long. No matter what we do, it is there, it is impossible not to feel it, it drains us, and therefore, we can’t help it but give it more attention, see if it’s getting worse, check the internet about it, talk about it with our friends or family, dwell about it, go to Doctor’s appointments to try to figure it out, have tests done… the pain literally becomes the center of our life. And the more it takes over, the more this vicious cycle gets strengthened.

It is extremely difficult not to drive attention to it, when it’s literally getting in the way of your daily life, how could you possibly not think about it? In some cases, you may have to stop working, or in my case, I had to take a break from school for a few years and I dedicated myself exclusively to trying to heal. However, there were things I could’ve done differently to help myself heal faster. For example, I kept checking out my vulva a few times a day with a mirror to make sure there were no changes. Oh, this came to be not only from the pain, but a gynecologist said that I could possibly have lichen sclerosus and I got really freaked out thinking my vulva could start changing at any time, or maybe it was already doing so and I had not realized! So there was I, young Miriam in her early-mid 20s checking her vulva daily; as if gazing my vulva would prevent any changes from happening. I did not have LS, it was vulvodynia, however, that wrong diagnosis skyrocketed my anxiety. And the more I looked at my vulva, the more I fed the feeling of unsafety to my brain. Another one was reading forums and checking online for other people’s experiences and articles. While there were some optimistic stories, what I mostly encountered were the stories of the people who did not heal. But uh oh, the information available online was biased! Why? Well, when you recover and you’re happy and healthy, you rarely go back to the same forums, support groups etc., and talk about your experience. A few people do, but most go on with their lives without looking back! So what do we encounter? People that are still in pain and that need a place to share their suffering. Therefore, we will always find many more stories of people who still have it, than success stories. That created even more anxiety in me. I kept reading about women who couldn’t work because of it, and I was wondering what I would do the rest of my life, being still young, single (for some, their husbands could support them, for me, that would have to be my parents if anything — for the rest of my life??), and being in a level of pain that held me back from even going for a light walk, let alone doing a full shift at work! That only made me spiral down and eventually, I started developing other symptoms, like the numbing of the right half of my body, which brought me to the ER a few times. Several neurological tests allowed me to calm down a little, knowing there was no neurological damage. Eventually, I had to set the boundary with myself of not looking at my vulva anymore for a period of time, and not reading any more stories online on vulvodynia. I felt tempted to do it, but that couldn’t go on, those actions were feeding my pain, so as challenging as it was, I stopped completely.

Why is this important? Because your mind has much greater power than you think. It will give you more of what you feed it, and the subconscious programming running in the background is picking up on what you’re doing, feeling, thinking, etc. And it will act according to that. If you think you can heal, you can heal, if you think you’re doomed… well, that makes it much more challenging. If you already expect pain, your brain will keep sending it. And the more it does, the more traumatized you become, and the more traumatized, the less safety, the less safety, the more your brain will try to protect you… and how does your brain protect you? With pain! And anxiety, and anything that creates avoidant behaviors in order to help you survive.

But there is hope! You can reprogram your subconscious mind. You can create enough safety in your nervous system and in your body, that your brain doesn’t need to keep signaling pain anymore. This is why working with the nervous system, with the subconscious mind, with the emotions… is so important. We need to create a whole different inner environment in order to heal.

Healing trauma doesn’t only mean “healing cognitively things that happened to us that caused us suffering”, it means rewiring the nervous system so our brain doesn’t need to send us any more pain. It means creating so much safety and trust in our bodies and our ability to heal, that we switch off the alarm. That we don’t need to think about the pain, and the less we think about it, the more we create new neural pathways that support our new narratives where our life doesn’t revolve around our pain anymore. 

There are many tools to do so, and while I love working with the vagus nerve to bring the physiological activation down, it is also important to change the programming. Doing one-on-one work can be very powerful, but there are some other things that you can start implementing, such as watching out your self-talk, learning to listen and honor your needs, and subconcious re-programming with guided hypnosis. If you’d like to know more on this topic, feel free to drop me a comment or send me a message.
Much love,

Miriam

When we think of a healing journey, we think of something strenuous, tiring, hours of psychotherapy, physical therapy, Doctor’s offices, meds, exercises to do at home mandated by our therapist, food restrictions… but in fact, a healing journey should be pleasurable too.

How can healing be possible, if healing in itself becomes stressful? Yes, there will be difficult aspects of it, it’s not a path paved with roses, however, that shouldn’t be ALL of it. A healing journey should include coming back to yourself, reconnecting to your power, pleasure, and sensuality in the ways that best align with you. 

For me, that was belly dancing. Even if I had to wear saggy pants to not cringe at the touch of them, dancing allowed me to reconnect to myself, to feel supported by a community of women, to create safety and confidence in my own body, to signal safety to my nervous system to help it soothe, it helped me relax and flow, and allowed the energy to move through my body.

To find that pleasure in yourself, I highly recommend some sort of slow, gentle movement. Movement helps us release stagnant energy and emotions held in our muscles, it releases happy hormones while reducing stress hormones, and can help us feel present and embodied. While dancing a samba can be a challenge while we are in pain, try something slow, sensual, something that reminds you that you’re still a beautiful woman with a perfect body to love. To remind you that you’re whole and complete and that you deserve pleasure. That you embody so many precious qualities and have so much to offer and create, with pain or without it.

You can try any sort of movement that feels good to you, yoga can be a beautiful addition if you enjoy it, and not only because you feel you “should” do it. Find what resonates with you, what lights your soul. 

If you need any more reasons to allow movement in, I’d love to share with you that conscious movement improves proprioception. That is your body’s ability to sense itself, the position in space, and self-movement. And here comes the juicy part: the receptors that take part in proprioception travel to the central nervous system through the same pathways as nociceptors. Nociceptors are the receptors that tell your brain when there’s a painful stimulus. Ok, this doesn’t sound very sexy, but hear me out on this, because when we increase proprioception, we help override nociception. Therefore, it helps rewire your nervous system in a way that reduces pain.

Moreover, through enjoyable movement, we help the nervous system regulate, which is a key piece of healing. The more feelings of safety we can create in our body, the faster we will heal. After all, our body wants us to be safe before it can generate all the processes to bring healing, so creating that place of safety is crucial, but it should be done in ways that bring us pleasure too. So listen to your body and respect its cues when it tells you to stop, but don’t approach movement with fear, let yourself be curious and explore it. We are not training for a marathon so there’s no need to over-do it, you can go as slow as you need to feel comfortable and only allow in movements that feel respectful to your body. The most important piece is to just allow yourself to try it, to explore, to remain open to what’s possible, because health is just around the corner when you embrace the journey with a touch of pleasure.

The B in self-care is not for Baths, but for Boundaries. Setting boundaries can do more for our health than any bodywork. Don’t get me wrong, I love bodywork and I think it is extremely helpful, however, it will not bring you healing if you’re constantly depleted due to putting other people’s needs first.

I often find among my clients that they have difficulties with boundaries, and it makes perfect sense as our ability to set limits and our pelvises are very connected. Our boundaries allow us to choose what comes in and what stays out. We do the same with our pelvises, we get to choose who we give our sacred energy to, and to whom we do not. Except that many times we give and give in both instances to we can feel loved, or to avoid the discomfort or the guilt of saying no…

Many of the women struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, saying no, and putting themselves first. This creates an inner environment in the body of anger, resentment, lack, stress… Not only do we know that stored emotions manifest in the body, but they create a hostile environment for our health.

If you are used to always taking care of others and putting their needs before you, your body will continue to tell you that there is something wrong. How can it turn off the alarm of pain if you’re not listening yet? You are the most important person in your life, and as such, taking care of yourself should be a top priority. You don’t need to make everyone happy, even if you were conditioned to do so. 

Every time you’re giving in just because you don’t feel comfortable saying no, you’re abusing yourself. You become your own perpetrator and therefore causing your body to still be on high alert, because there is something hurting it, and it needs to let you know about it.

I find many women struggle to speak up for themselves and then they practice “self-care” to feel better about the stress they underwent by betraying their wants and needs. Meditation and baths are a lovely addition to our lives, but the main foundation has to be done in the playing field, in the decisions you make daily. Do these choices support your healing or do they hinder it?

Healing includes your body knowing you can take care of yourself. Setting limits it’s uncomfortable, but in the long run, it’s the best investment you can make on yourself. Learning to do this can be free, but you actually need to practice it every single day. 

Some days, we will not be able to stand our ground as much as we’d like, but it is a process, it’s all part of a journey and it’s important to remind ourselves of this, but with the knowing, that we are improving. This was something very difficult for me to grasp, but it made a world of a difference once I learned it. Yet, sometimes I still fail to assert myself! But instead of letting the anger build up inside of me, I try to release it in healthy ways (journaling can be fantastic for this) and I tell myself that I am learning, that it is a process, and that I am doing my best to look after myself one day at a time.

Now, let me ask you something, if your pain would cease every time you choose to meet your needs instead of giving into other people’s needs, who would you put first?

It’s very likely that if saying NO made your pain go away, you’d become the queen of boundaries, however we know that it is unlikely that the alarm (pain) will stop right away. After all, your nervous system needs some time to rewire and learn that it’s safe. However, in the long run, this will be extremely supportive for your healing. Your body and your nervous system will understand that you’re in charge and therefore they don’t need to tell you about the dangerous situation (stress, bottled up emotions), so they won’t need to continue ringing the bell of pain. So every time you need to make a decision and you’re torn between what you want and what you feel you “should” do, make the balance on what weighs more.

In some situations, we “need” to act even if it’s not our preference, yes life throws these situations at us where we almost can’t say no (we actually always can, but in some instances we feel it’s the right thing to do), however, it should not be part of our daily life feeling depleted and unable to assert ourselves. These should be exceptions we make, not the way we live. And when these situations arise, it is important to have a healthy coping mechanism to release the feelings instead of bottling them up.

Now, maybe you’re thinking that this post doesn’t speak on your boundaries because you have a clear NO, however, if you put a wall of steel between you and the person or situation that is causing you discomfort, that’s not healthy boundaries either. That is purely another response to not being able to express yourself in an assertive way. You’re not allowing in good things and the possibility of negotiation because you’re so tired of people continuously taking advantage of you, that you’re afraid of giving them an opening for them to do so again. However, by completely cutting them out, you’re not able to allow good things to come in, things that would make you happy if you knew how to communicate your needs in an effective manner. So in the end, it’s just a response to the previous problem. It’s the best solution you could come up with to protect yourself, and that is wonderful because you’re already on the path to looking after yourself, however building a wall around us isn’t the path to wellbeing either.

You may do this consciously or unconsciously, so in the case of the latter, it is important to gain awareness of it. Once we know our tendency and that we need to care for our own needs, we can work on refining the ways we communicate with others to find a good ground for both parties. In short, it is important to learn how to voice ourselves so we don’t shut down as protection. 

For me, this was my case for years, especially when it came to sex. After being taken advantage of many times, in my early 20s I started to set very strict boundaries with guys. But that didn’t allow me to create a safe environment where I could thrive, it simply disconnected me from that part of myself and didn’t allow space to explore my sexuality with others. Through understanding myself and my fears on setting limits, I changed the pattern and opened the ground for my sexuality to flourish.

I invite you to reflect on how you act, and take action in a direction that allows you to protect yourself, while at the same time acting with kindness and empathy with those that you’re setting limits with. It is easier said than done, but it all starts with awareness and the intention to improve.

Much love,

Miriam

Our bodies talk to us all the time through different signs; first, they whisper, but if we do not hear the whispers, eventually they’ll scream…

Before I developed my vulvodynia, I was living in a constant state of anxiety and my body kept telling me I was not safe and something needed to change. My work was extremely demanding physically and emotionally and I always felt on edge. But I kept telling myself I couldn’t quit because it was the only resource I had to pay for everything I needed to pay. However, in hindsight, I should’ve quit while I was ahead before my body had to scream at me to stop.

Once I developed vulvodynia, I couldn’t do what I was doing anymore.
I had to once and for all stop abusing my body.
I didn’t listen to my body when it was giving signals over and over again through anxiety and panic attacks and eventually, it gave me so much pain, that I had no choice but to listen to my screaming vagina and change my life radically.

After that, I embarked on a long journey of becoming more attuned to my body…
Listening to what it says and honoring it, as well as understanding my emotions on a deeper level.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment to start loving yourself.
Don’t wait for sunshine and rainbows.
Don’t wait for the perfect day, the perfect situation, when you feel more healed or when you feel better.
Don’t wait until you’re less bloated, when you can sit, when you’re prettier, when you lose weight, when you gain weight, when you’re less broken, when you’re less the mirage of who you used to be.
No. Start now. No day will be bright enough, the grass will never green enough. The temperature will never feel warm enough. The rubbing of your skin will never be gentle enough. Just start, and the rest will come with ease. I promise you. I am proof.

You don’t need to be a healed muse in the lake to start stroking your skin, massaging your neck, or passing your fingers through your hair… You just need to just do it, even if it’s in a tiny bedroom or a broken-tiled bathroom. Because at that moment, all that matters is you. You and the connection to yourself. To feel you’re alive, to feel free, to wake up the wild woman you have inside yourself and start to unravel the many layers of trauma.
You’re already wild and free even if it doesn’t seem like your physical world isn’t matching up to your internal world.
Even if you’re the prisoner of your own body.
But if you’re going to be an inmate in a cell (which you won’t be, not forever; as everything is temporary), you may as well make the cell prettier.
Look for the corners of light.
That little jail that you despise is your body, and when you tune into it, it can convert to be the most wonderful landscape. With fresh air and ray beams of light, with a sweet scent taking you back to glorious feelings and memories.
But to get there, we cannot sit in the dark waiting for the storm to pass.
I wish I could remove the clouds for you and open the door, but you’re the only one who has the key.
You’re the only one that can care and love your body strongly enough to break the chains of pain, conditioning, anxiety, depression, and bitter tears.
So break free, my love.
Look at yourself in the mirror and embrace your beauty.
Tell your reflection how incredibly beautiful and gifted it is.
Hug yourself, play music and move with gentleness, or shake your body if that’s what it needs.
Don’t silence your precious voice, speak out loud, hear the powerful words that you articulate, scream if you’re called to do so.
Hum, sing, laugh.
Feel your skin and let your fingers trace your skin with tenderness.
Tell yourself what a marvelous being you are.

Love yourself even if you feel unworthy; especially if you feel unworthy…
You don’t have to eat the world yet, there is no rush.
You don’t have to be the best version of yourself yet, everlasting change does not happen overnight.
Consistency is key.
I want for you to get visualize yourself well; to dream about it, fantasize about it, and bring that image closer and closer because you need to know the woman you’re becoming has an inner knowing an innate ability to heal, and her own unique compass.
Once you know the direction, it’s much easier to follow your heart to get there.
So love yourself deeply, knowing that the place where you are at right now is where you are meant to be and this is not permanent.
Walk every step of the way with your head as high as you can.
We are here to support you. There is a place for you. And even if things seem hopeless and unbearable now, please try even if it’s for just one minute, to embrace yourself with all of you and with all facets of you meeting each other, integrating, and loving each other. Knowing each of them has a purpose.

You’re an incredible creature and you will feel most honoured if you can just look at yourself in the mirror, for brief moments, to discover how amazing your body actually is.
Love it well, with passion, like you’re your most enticing lover, because you are.
I want you to be nature, love, light, paradise, the moon and the stars, the embodiment of the whole universe itself.
You’re powerful, you’re strong, you’re amazing.
Love yourself so hard that your body can’t respond with anything but gratitude.
I know it sounds like so simple, but it’s such an important mindset shift.
It’s not the whole the path, but it gives you the will to walk it.

I love you, I see you. I am here for you.